


The Oncoming Sperm

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Fuck Or Die, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose is infected with something and the Doctor must save her.  A new kind of shag or die scenario</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Oncoming Sperm

**Author's Note:**

> I blame callistawolf, incurableromantic, aaauleta, spookyknight, bittie752 and lunarsilverwolfstar for this piece of adult crack and still has me snickering

Life for the Doctor and Rose was about to take a dramatic turn. It happened on the planet Sutioc which was supposed to be just a fun, relaxing trip but then that was probably what cursed them. It was often the trips that appeared to be pleasant and peaceful that ended up being the most tumultuous. At first, everything was lovely. The planet was beautiful and full of life, with many abundant gardens and colourful cities dotting the landscape. The people were mostly humanoid with only a few differences from humans such as vivid green eyes and golden hued skin. They were warm and welcoming to visitors. Even the climate seemed perfect and spring-like. Rose had indulged in some of the local clothing, a light cotton flowing halter dress in TARDIS blue. She had giggled a bit as the aliens on this world had no concept of knickers or underclothing but she was determined to respect their customs and get the full Sutioc experience.

The Doctor was focused on some of the indigenous plant life. He took a particular interest in a particular plant that bore a banana-like fruit and was chatting with a local gardener about it. Rose was all too familiar with the banana ramble so while he gushed about bananas with the gardener, she wandered amongst the gardens with some local women. The Sutiocs were a friendly, playful and flirty race and Rose was having a lovely time with her new friends. One of the women was wearing a fragrant white blossom in her hair that was used to make a local tea she and the Doctor loved. Rose just had to collect some of the blossoms for the Doctor. Her new friends pointed out the plant that produced them and directed her to another part of the garden.

Unfortunately, the plant grew on the banks of a pond and whilst reaching for the blossoms, Rose fell into the pond. Her tumble produced a splash which seemed to stirrup the clear water until it became milky from the stirred up silt. Rose wrinkled her nose at the odd, slimy feel of it on her bare legs and was crawling out just as the Doctor ran over to her.

"Rose, you all right?" he asked as he held out his hand to pull her up.

Once she crawled out of the water, she looked down, at her dripping self and noticed her legs were covered with some whitish slime. “Blimey, but that pond is a bit sick. I mean look at me!" Rose exclaimed and then examined the white slime coating her legs. As she winced and frowned at the sticky substance, she realised that it looked not quite slime like and more like something familiar. She looked up at the Doctor who had a worried look on his face. His sonic came out and he waved it around her.

"Doctor?" she asked, hoping the sticky substance now oozing down her legs wasn’t what she feared.

The Doctor appeared speechless. He grabbed her wrist and licked it.

"Oh no," he said softly.

"What? What is it?" Rose demanded feeling a hint of fear at the tone in his voice.

"Rose, we have to get back to the TARDIS and I mean right now!" he declared and soniced her from waist to legs, freeing her of the mysterious white substance.

Rose looked down at her legs. “Doctor, tell me what this stuff is?" she asked in a slightly panicked voice.

"Well, you see it’s…." he paused and tugged at his ear. “I mean, you apparently fell into a pool infested with aliensemen and it’s trying to, sort of, impregnateyou," he said quickly and grabbed her hand to encourage her to move.

"What!" Rose exclaimed and yanked him to a stop. “I mean how is that possible? I…I can’t be," she said with a hysterical edge to her voice.

"Hello, alien planet and not all species reproduce like humans. The semen of the Viseva is very aggressive and can survive for weeks once deposited in an appropriate environment just waiting on a receptive and fertile vessel to um fertilize. "

"But…but I’m not…" Rose sputtered.

"Oh but you are! Ripe as a…" he trailed off at her glare. “Yes well, anyway, we have to do something pronto before all those little warrior spermatozoa burrow their way into your unsuspecting, warm and toasty egg all nestled comfy like in your womb," he explained glancing at her stomach before continuing. “And that’s just the start. When I say this species is aggressive I mean hugely as in they use the mother as a host and the offspring, they… well, um eat her to survive."

"Oh my God! Do something!" Rose shrieked. “Get ‘em out of me!" she shouted in full panic mode now.

"Welll, you see it’s a bit tricky. They’re already inside of you, brilliant and determined swimmers they are! And, most inhibiting agents to prevent pregnancy don’t work on them." Rose had tears in her eyes and looked genuinely frightened. His enthusiasm dimmed and he stepped forward, gripping her shoulders. “Don’t worry Rose, I won’t let them hurt you."

"But you can stop ‘em right?" Rose asked with pleading eyes. “Doctor, please."

"Oh, of course I can! It’s just a bit personal is all," he said and looked a little nervous and stared down at her stomach again looking concerned.

"Doctor! I’m infested with alien sperm! It don’t get much more personal than that so just do it!"

"Right, well then we best be getting naked," he announced and loosened his tied and began undressing. Rose’s mouth fell open.

"Excuse me, but have you lost it?" she shouted at him. “I’m ‘bout to be eaten alive by alien spawn and you wanna what? Get naked?"

"He paused as he was unlacing his trainers and tossing them aside. “Rose the only solution is for me to use my frankly impressive sperm to come to your defense."

Rose’s brow furrowed as she tried to understand what he was going on about. “Doctor, don’t take this the wrong way and god, I can’t believe I’m about to say this as any other time I’d be real enthusiastic about getting’ naked with you, but what the hell do ya mean your impressive sperm?"

The Doctor was now shirtless and shoving his trousers down. “Time Lord sperm is superior and eradicates any primitive competing sperm," he explained with a bit of pride. “I’ll just have a bit of chat with my swimmers and give them a bit of pep talk and after a few delightful and most satisfying thrusts later, BAM! Time Lord semen to the rescue!"

"We’re gonna shag them outta me," Rose said as she watched him toss his trousers aside and lay his coat on the soft grass. Rose sighed and pulled the wet dress over her head and tossed it on the ground with a plop.

When she looked back at the Doctor he was staring at her, his eyes darkened as he looked her up and down and then he held his hand out. “Rose, this isn’t exactly how I pictured this."

Rose looked down at his pants and the most impressive bulge now being displayed. She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him almost shyly. “So you been thinkin’ ‘bout this then?"

"I think about a lot of things. Impressive brain, I have," he declared with a smirk.

Rose reached over and began tugging at his pants. “Guess we should get these off?" she said flirtatiously.

He nodded and soon they were both naked and staring at each other making a bit of survey and looking pleased. He helped her down onto his coat until they were both on their knees facing each other. “So, anything special I should know about?" Rose asked and licked her lips.

He didn’t respond, just gazed into her eyes with a knowing smile, leaned forward and guided her hand to his hard length. He gasped her name as she began caressing him. He said a few alien words and then leaned over and pressed his soft lips against hers. Rose moaned into his mouth as he sucked her bottom lip and gently pushed her down. Her legs parted naturally for him. After deep lingering snog, he pulled away, hovering over her and looked her in the eyes. “Trust me?"

Rose nodded and watched him shut his eyes for a moment and she swore his cock twitched in response. She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped at the thought of him instructing his sperm on alien sperm warfare. He opened his eyes, cocked an eyebrow at her and then was kissing her passionately, nipping, sucking and his tongue sliding against hers. Rose’s hands tangled in his hair as he licked his way down her body and swore she would write poetry in honour of that clever tongue of his along with his gorgeous hands. Oh yes, definitely his hands and lovely fingers which were doing wondrous things. She arched up as his fingers dipped inside of her and he made a happy masculine noise as she moaned. He kissed his way up, nipping at her neck. “Ready?" he asked, his breath tickling her ear as he pressed his erection just at her entrance..

Rose gasped a breathy “Yes, please! All thoughts of alien sperm were now completely forgotten and most especially after he thrust into her…

dwdwdwdwdwdw

It was a battle that could not be lost. The general had issued his orders. The enemy was fierce and determined but they were superior and would triumph. With a battle cry of _Allons-y_ , and the collective groans of " _Yes!_ " " _Don’t stop!_ " and " _Oh God!_ " from the biologic vessels they occupied and would occupy they shot forth into the unexplored and most delightful body of Rose Tyler.

They were complex, highly developed sentient spermatozoa, the finest example of Time Lord biology. They swam forward with gusto and shouting out with glee as they journeyed deep inside of Rose. Oh, but they were clever and enthusiastic. A few became distracted by the wonder that was Rose’s vagina. “Blimey but this is lovely!" Some may have snuggled up to her fluttering walls murmuring, “Rose." Others were focused on their mission and the opportunity to nestle deep inside her womb. A few may have had a bit too much blood, anger and revenge as their motivation, shooting forward deep inside of her. They were the Oncoming Sperm and they would not be denied!

Along they way they ran into some of the evil alien sperm. The Battle was fierce. Some who may have had a certain Northern accent, if they could have spoken, shouted “I’m comin’ to get you Rose!" as they defended their territory. They defeated the less complicated sperm easily and moved onward until they reached their goal.

"Fantastic!" “Molto Bene" and “Brilliant" were their war cry as they reached the womb. The alien sperm swarmed as they lay assault on Rose’s lovely egg.

"Would you look at that!" one of the Oncoming Sperm said in awe staring at the glorious egg and getting excited.

"Oh you beauty!" another said excitedly and began swimming for it.

"Oi! You stupid primitive spermatozoa, we claim this uterus in the name of the Doctor!" one rather brawny looking Time Lord spermatozoa practically shouted.

Another Time Lord sperm swam forward. “That egg is ours! We are Time Lord Victorious and you will bend to our will!" another shouted, a little mad in his excitement to claim the womb and defeat his enemies.

"Will you shut it!" the Northern accented sperm said as they ripped apart alien sperm. “Somebody keep the nutter spermatozoa from the egg. Last thing we need is him blowin’ up the womb!"

A Few of the Time Lord spermatozoa may have agreed and kept any Time Lord Victorious sperm busy.

The alien sperm wouldn’t be so easily defeated despite the vigorous attempts of the Time Lord sperm. They continued their assault on the egg, one started to burrow in before a Time Lord spermatozoa yanked it out and destroyed it with a “Ha!" A new round of reinforcement sperm entered the womb shouting “Chhhaarrrgggee!" It was a chaotic blend of sperm around the egg. One brave sperm shot through the fray shouting “Allons-y!" and dove into the egg which may have had a slight golden glow to it. “Molto Bene!" it shouted from inside as life exploded all around it followed by much cheering of the successful Time Lord sperm whose last chant may have sounded like “Everybody lives!"

Of course, that didn’t stop the Doctor and Rose. Just to be sure, the Doctor decided that maybe he should give Rose a few more doses. She was not complaining.

That is, until…ten months later when the result of the mad sperm battle made her appearance. Jackie glared at the Doctor. “So you saved my daughter with your sperm! Bloody alien git! That’s the worst line I’ve ever heard!"

"Yes well, they might have gotten a bit enthusiastic," he babbled as Rose walked in with the baby in her arms who was gurgling happily. She looked over at him and couldn’t help but giggle. Granted, she hadn’t done much giggling for the past few months when he’d had to admit that his sperm had become a bit over zealous and had a slight misinterpretation about defending Rose and her ripe egg. Truth be told, things could have been much worse so although it was not the anticipated result, it wasn’t an entirely unpleasant surprise. Well, until he had to tell Jackie.

Rose looked down at the happy baby in her arms. “Daddy can be a bit of a nutter but we still love him. She paused and looked at him trying to keep a sofa between himself and Jackie. “Even if he’s rubbish at talking to sperm."

"What!" Jackie screeched, having missed that part of the story.

He hopped over a table grabbed Rose and before he could say anything, a tiny voice said “Allons-y!"

"He grinned like the mad alien he was and shouted “That’s my girl!"

Jackie with hands on hips quipped. “Yeah, well at least she’s smarter than your…"

Before Jackie could finish her rant, the TARDIS dematerialized with the Doctor and Rose Tyler and their brilliant baby inside who would always know to never trust a bloke who proclaims he has sentient sperm.


End file.
